The last moments of WA flight COP26

Scene: The last flight of World Airlines flight WA COP26 from Glasgow (GLA) to New York (JFK)
 
Captain Biden: Hello everybody and welcome aboard! That was a smooth take-off wasn’t it? My name is Captain Biden and I will be with you for most of this journey. To put your minds at rest, I should say first of all that the issue with our starboard engine is neither here nor there. It’s quite normal for huge flames to come out of it now and then and for pieces of shrapnel to hit the windows. For those of you with window seats on the starboard side (which is on your right), if this problem bothers you, just pull down your blinds and it will go away.
Co-pilot Johnson: Wiffle-waffle!
Captain  Biden: Now I do have to point out that the weather when we land will be rather wet .
Passengers: Why!?
Captain Biden: Well, our fuel load will only get us to 347 miles south of Newfoundland, which is not far off the North American coast and well on the way to where we want to be. (emphasis added)
Passengers: It doesn’t say that on our tickets!
Captain Biden: Well, look again at your tickets, and see how cheap they are. How do you think we get our prices down? Filling up?
Co-pilot Johnson: Wiffle-waffle
Passengers: We’re all going to die!
Captain Biden: Well, thank you for travelling with World Airlines. I’ll now hand you over to our Chief Steward, Ms Plenary Session.
Chief Steward Session: May I add my welcome to you all and thank you for flying on this World Airlines flight COP26. We have a variety of offers on board. In First Class, your meals will be served at table shortly, with copious servings of food and wine chosen by our connoisseurs from around the world. In middle class we have a wide range of little nic-nacs to make you feel at home, especially if you feel you ought to be in first class but can’t afford it. In economy class you will find under the seat in front of you a lovely handcrafted plastic bowl you can take to the front of the cabin and see if there’s anything left over for you. Enjoy! Have a nice day!
Back in the cockpit: Captain Biden to Co-pilot Johnson: Mmmm—what’s that noise on the RF receiver?
Co-pilot Johnson: Wiffle-waffle
Captain Biden: Yes it sounds like that. Where’s it coming from? Hang on, there’s something else coming over.
Noise: Ping . . .  Ping . . .  Ping . . .
Co-pilot Johnson: Wiffle-waffle
Captain Biden: No, I’ve got the bearings on it now! Sounds like a Xi Jin  ping! Yes definitely! What’s it mean? Is it on our flight path?
Noise: Ping . . .  Ping . . .  Ping . . .
Back with Chief Steward Session: Don’t worry everybody, I’ve not seen anybody yet actually watch the cabin crew explain the safety routine without falling asleep, in fact we’re rather bored with it ourselves, and frankly it’s just a PR exercise to make you think we care about your life chances if we crash . . .
Passengers: Turn on the movies!! Who said crash!?
Co-pilot Johnson: Wiffle-waffle
Captain Biden: This ping noise seems to be coming from a Chinese aircraft carrier in mid-Atlantic. That’s handy! Maybe we could land on it when the fuel runs out . .
Passengers: We’re too big! How could we land on that! They might even want to charge us extra!
Captain Biden: (P.A. system turned off) I think I have a life raft in here somewhere . .
Co-pilot Johnson: Wiffle-waffle WIFFLE-WAFFLE!!!
Captain Biden: Don’t worry, you won’t be sharing it with me
First class passenger on phone: Elon, get me to Mars!
Economy class passenger: Somebody tell the steward the toilet’s flooded . .
Middle class passenger: Can I get an upgrade please?
Captain Biden: Byeeee! (windrushing sounds)
Co-pilot Johnson: Wiffle-waffle
P.A. system: BRACE! BRACE! BRACE!