That's it folks

From your royal correspondent for the last time

+ First of all I wish to apologise to POTUS (President of the United States). In an earlier blog I suggested that his convoy would comprise 20 vehicles. But last night, whilst looking at various posts on the Microsoft news feed, I saw that some enterprising individual in Tottenham had filmed POTUS’s convoy streaming by—and I counted only 17 vehicles. I wasn’t far out. I hope they all found some decent digs in Tottenham.

+Also on the MSN news feed was a picture of Viscount Severn, one of Prince Edward’s sprogs. It seems people have been asking what he got his medals for. Well, once again they’re for just Being There. For all of his 15 years.

+All those people who queued up to pass the coffin should get a medal. They’ve put in as much effort as most of the Royal spongers. Or at least ebay shouldn’t prevent them from selling their wristbands for whatever they can get. People need the money these days.

+The Poet Laureate Simon Armitage read one of his poems on the radio this morning, commemorating the passing of the Queen. He should get a medal for its toe-curling floridity. Or perhaps it was a parody and he should be thrown into the Tower for the offence of lese majesty. Here’s what he could have written:

You wore the crown without a frown, it must have been very heavy
Perhaps making you on your feet quite unsteady but you were always ready
To add to your burden, carrying a pretty bouquet every day when you went out
You were the beloved carnation of the nation, a petal from a rose bloom
Shimmering in the mountain sky (upon high) whilst in the Glen all was silent as the stags stopped rutting now and then and so on and so on and so on seemingly interminably. . .