Speedy Gonzales

As Cummings strolled up the grassy knoll somewhere in or around Barnard Castle, oblivious to the presence of other people, how could he possibly have known that he was about to, as they say, cause a car crash on Johnson’s watch? A car crash which is still playing out in slow motion? I feel I may be getting a little too much into details on this unfolding story, which is one of those where the more you hear the more there is to question. For example, we’re told that Cummings drove around 30 miles from Durham to Barnard Castle (in his own words) ‘in around thirty minutes.’ I’ve driven on those roads (on trips to Shildon railway museum) and to do that journey in 30 minutes means that at some point to manage his average journey time of ‘around 30 minutes’ he will have had to break the speed limit. It’s not as if there’s a straight motorway between the two towns. Now of course, ‘around 30 minutes’ could mean 45 minutes—or it could mean 20 minutes—which hardly improves matters. Either way, it’s a curious and dangerous way to ‘test your eyesight.’ The man’s a liar through and through. Michael Gove, defending this form of eyesight test, saying he had done the same himself, has I hope rammed the point home for the public: ‘We think you are too thick to understand all this, just go back to your celebrity culture and endless bake offs. Oh, and we’ll open the shops soon, so just take your mind off how crap we are.’
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