Here we go

Winter appears to have arrived in the UK, with a cold front and what we’re told is a ‘snow bomb’ in train. We can’t just have snow like we used to have, now it has to be a ‘snow bomb.’ Such language is intensely annoying, but there’s no escaping the fact that the popular media has to dramatise everything—to such an extent in fact that nothing is really dramatic anymore. The overuse of drama in storytelling dulls the senses. I guess the same is true of pictures, except now if they’re deemed horrifying they come with advance warnings. Perhaps the overuse of dramatic language should also be preceded by advance warnings like ‘This article contains idiotically exaggerated hyperbole.’ Perhaps this shift to the eye-catching line has been hastened by social media, where it seems complexity is reduced to simplistic assertion. Or perhaps we should blame spin doctors ever competing with each other to coin the perfect soundbite. The simplification—the dumbing down if you will—of language has taken new forms, to such an extent that literacy itself could be threatened. I’m referring of course to emoijis, now so established and endemic I’m almost willing to bet that there’s a professorial chair of emoiji studies at some newly minted university. Not surprisingly a Japanese chap first came up with them, they perhaps have antecedents in a pictogrammatic language, but now they seem indispensable for the lightning fast thumbs of mobile phone users. I can see their advantage as a new form of shorthand adapted to the small screen. Personally I can’t get out of the habit of one finger typing on my mobile phone. This task happily is made easier by having word prompts, so I can often include long words in texts which otherwise would take ages to type. It can’t be long before complete sentences are suggested. Indeed gmail already provides a choice of short responses when it detects e.g. a question in an incoming email.
 
I’m not going to bother looking, but I imagine there’s an emoiji for an old grump. Since I have started in this groaning grump mode, let me finish off with a fresh round of moans. The first relates to Mountain of Plastic Rubbish Day, aka Halloween. Aren’t we supposed to be reducing single use plastics? How is it that plastic straws are banned, but this extravaganza of tat is permitted? At least pumpkins are biodegradable. But late November is becoming crowded with American imports. Black Friday, Cyber Monday, and now Giving Tuesday—all excuses to fill one’s inbox with urgent appeals to get a move on before it’s too late. I’m surprised we haven’t yet adopted Thanksgiving into the UK calendar. In the US it seems some cities have Donkin’ Donut Thanksgiving Parades, or MacDonalds Parades. Here we could have Thanksgiving Food Bank Parades and on the day itself King Charles could reprieve a turkey (though which member of the royal family he would choose is anybody’s guess). In fairness, since the UK has a sizeable veggie population, he might also reprieve a Quorn not-turkey roast. So, in conclusion, let me propose a new day of celebration and commemoration, dedicated to Old Grumps everywhere, when we can bemoan the state of society to our hearts content. And people have to listen.