Jeremy Hunt, the Foreign Secretary, has expressed his desire to recruit British businessmen (and possibly women too) into the roles of top-ranking diplomats. I always knew Hunt was a visionary, I think he may be our next PM when May implodes. Anyway, the top posting must be ambassador to Washington, and immediately names spring to mind. How about ‘Sir’ Richard Branson? I can imagine his first conversation as ambassador with Trump:
Trump: Ambassador Branson. Beautiful.
Branson: Fabulowso, Mr President
Trump: Beautiful. Big.
And so on ad infinitum . . . Richard’s definitely my top pick. But what if he’s not available? Next up has to be ‘Sir’ Philip Green. I think the small talk between Trump and Green would lead to a lasting special relationship, but sadly good taste prevents me from speculating on exactly what language would be used between them. So what about that other shining light of British business, Mike Ashley? he too might enjoy sharing certain conversational skills with Trump, but if it’s true that Ashley liked his ale whilst conducting top level meetings, this might not go down too well with Trump, who like Hitler is a teetotaller. So I’m beginning to struggle a little to find someone with the skills to deal with Trump and all he represents. I know! Why didn’t I think of him first? He’s got time on his hands too. Fred Goodwin – he’s got to be our next man in Washington. Or maybe Tirana.
But why does Hunt think that only business people could fill these diplomatic roles? If it’s negotiating deals we’re after, wouldn’t a top trade unionist be equally as good? Step up Len McCluskey.
DISCLAIMER: Nothing in this post should be taken to mean that such new appointments will have anything at all to do with whether or not they will be made after large donations have been made to the Conservative and Unionist Party.