A worthy proposal

+Today marks the bicentenary of Napoleon’s death and the first edition of the Guardian. Clearly, with page after page of self-congratulatory praise in today’s paper, the latter is more important than the former. That’s only natural I suppose, so let’s not be churlish about it. Basically, we can detect that Napoleon was on the wrong side of history and the Guardian is very nearly always on the right side of it, standing proud in the liberal tradition spluttering ‘ahem’ when slight corrections in establishment behaviour are called for. I haven’t read all the paper’s pages of smug self-marvelling, and I don’t suppose I will have missed the bit where it celebrates its prolonged campaign to prevent the election of a socialist government in 2019. Never mind Waterloo, remember Peterloo.
 
+Once again I have failed to win a £1 million prize in the Premium Bond draw, maintaining a tradition that goes back three decades at least. Something must be done about this. I notice that this month’s winners both live in the south—Surrey and Wiltshire. I bet if I researched it, the greater preponderance of winners will live in the south. To those who have most, more shall be given. So we need a bit of levelling up, concordant with Boris Johnson’s great dream of making the north a paradise on earth. So my suggestion is to make one of the two million pound prizes only winnable by people who live in the north, say above a line drawn between the Humber and the Mersey. This would improve my chances somewhat. This proposal could be refined even further, making my chances of winning 100% That would be a great and worthwhile levelling up indeed.