2021's top achievers

The Intercept has an article called the ‘10 Worst Americans of 2021.’ There’s some obvious names, like Trump, Musk, Biden, Manchin et al. So I thought it might be a good idea to nominate my 10 Worst Brits of 2021. Errmm, can I even think of 10? We after all have a constitutionally genetic heritage which means whether you’ve come through Eton or even a comprehensive like Harrow you are unlikely to put a foot wrong. And even if you do, you know somebody will clean up after you. So yes, it’s a bit of struggle to find the 10 Worst Brits of 2021, but in classic reverse order, here they are!!!!!
 
No.10 Pritti Patel. Pritti comes from immigrant stock, but like an ex-smoker has the convert’s eye on everybody who follows in her footsteps with insufficient zeal. She’s a complete failure of course, but she knows she’s Pritti. And a bully and a dimwit to boot.
 
No.9 Sir Simon Stevens. Nobody’s heard of him. Which is not bad for somebody helping to privatise the NHS.
 
No.8 Prince Andrew—frankly Andy struggles to get onto this list, since apart from royal correspondents nobody gives a flying ***k what he does, but his attempts to wriggle out, purely though legalistic formalities of the case he needs to answer are pretty crumby. So crumby he’s letting the Queen down. Our Queen! (Not just his Queen)
 
No.7 Jacob Rees-Mogg—an unsurprising choice, he deserves his position in this list for unwittingly signalling all the virtues of the Conservative Party as it exists today. To explore these would require an essay in itself, but not to worry, one can always give Squiffy (or whatever public schoolboy nickname suffices) a bit of your chocolate to come up with something on your behalf, essay-wise.
 
No.6 Sir Keir Starmer—’Shorty’ as he is known in some professional circles, Keir has played a critical role in casually demonising the Labour Party, unwittingly making it unelectable although some suggest that that was always his intent. As if a Bilderberger would ever seek to do that!
 
No.5 Well, it’s not a sign that I’m struggling, but yes there is space for Nigel Farage, who appears very much (I’m sorry to say) as a wet fart from the past. I believe he still has some ‘pull’ (mainly with die-hard Tories) and could yet wreak more havoc on the UK. So this listing is pretty conditional (whilst recognising his historical contribution to our proud sovereign history).
 
No.4 Ursula van der Leyen—yes, I know she’s not British, but for the remaining few readers of the Daily Express she pops up every time they tap their boiled eggs for breakfast and prepare to don their Union Jack stab-proof vests. In this sense Ursula is an honorary Brit-enemy-within-without, a kind of alter-ego essential to the maintenance of our precious bodily fluids. I guess the inclusion of her name in this list could be a bit controversial.
 
No.3 Richard Beeching, Baron Beeching, commonly known as Dr Beeching. For God’s sake get over it, this is 2021! But we can’t! We want our branch lines back!
 
No.2 You’ve waited patiently, so here he is: Boris—who played Frankenstein’s monster so well. And he’s still stalking the land, terrorising innocent villagers with his attempts at humour. Grrggghhhh!
 
No.1 First and last, we have the Maskless Individual. The epitome of all that is proudest in our proud island’s proud history. The English lad (and lass) who can boldly stride around the supermarket completely clueless about any concept of public health awareness. Were it not for idiots like this you can take it from me we wouldn’t have won the battle of Agincourt. They’re so brave! But Agincourt was a long time ago, I admit. And no, these lads weren’t in it.
 
So there you have my list of the 10 Worst Brits of 2021. I notice there is a preponderance of males in the list. That’s not my fault!