Hair

What is it about hair and politicians? I am tasked to ask the question by a sight of two pictured together on clickbait: Keir Starmer and Pete Hegseth (US ‘War’ secretary). I think both wear the same brand of hair gel. They want to emphasise their luxuriant hair. Trump of course has a big thing about hair, but with it thinning so much he has to be careful, hence the prevalence of his baseball hat, which he wears sometimes when it seems totally inappropriate (does he wear it in bed when he’s having sex? (once thought of, the image stays). Perhaps a politician’s hair has to be accomplished for the television age. Neil Kinnock clearly struggled with his comb-over and eventually had to give in, funnily enough when his proto-New Labour seed was beginning to take root. Some, like John Smith just knew it was a lost cause and seemed much more comfortable with that. Silvio Berlesconi had difficulties, and in a rather embarrassing photo-op with T. Blair Silvio appeared wearing a bandana whilst undergoing hair surgery. There was no need for surgery for Thatcher of course, just lots of lacquer. Her chum Reagan was rumoured to use a gallon or two of Grecian 2000 to keep the look of vitality.
 
It’s not just what’s on top of course. It was regarded as a bit of a no-no having a beard (or even in Mandelson’s case a tache) if you wanted to be taken seriously. Poor old Robin Cook. Poor old Jeremy Corbyn. But even the late Derek Fatchett, a well respected Leeds MP and eventually Foreign Office minister under Blair got rid of his chin rug. I was disappointed. A five minute research project would give me the opportunity to see how many of our current crop of male MPs dare to wear a beard—excluding Moslems, Hindi or Sikh MPs. Is there one?
 
Anyway, my theory is you—male leaders—have to disport yourselves with a rich bed of dark hair which stands erect under the heat of television lights. It’s a lesson that Rudi Giuliani didn’t quite learn, the cheapskate. How else can you see off these foreigners who seem more replete than you (let’s not even go into styling, a la Kim Jong-un)? I think there could be a metaphor buried here somewhere for penis envy. Given his language, that almost certainly applies to Trump.