Goldfinger comes to town

Trumps’ state visit to the UK starts today, and thankfully he’ll be gone by Thursday. Still, enough time for our enfeebled PM to make some excruciating remarks about the Atlantic relationship and how well we all get on together, glossing over the probability that in the U.S even something as craven as the UK Labour Party would come under the proto-dictator’s cosh for not supping his brand of patriotism. Big question: will Fartage take the spare place created by Ed Davey at the big state banquet? Might there be two seats spare with Mandy gone too? Can’t wait to see the pompous and ceremonial procession of twerps parading their wares in front of the bogus mogul! I hope nobody mentions that we Brits have often been described as living in the 51st State (which has a slight ring of Dante about it). Trump is too thick to see such a reference as being merely ironic. So, will our feeble PM tackle any issues the inflated POTUS doesn’t want to hear? Genocide in Gaza—unlikely, the UK government doesn’t recognise the application of that word in that context.  How about protecting lower prices on pharmaceuticals in the UK—are we friends or not? Yes, and what about Harry? Really, are you going to deport him or what? You may have Trump Tower but we have the Tower of London. No, that’s not a serious point, but it could come in handy during the small talk with Dumbo. Yes, this visit is of historic proportions, and the watchword for the staff at Windsor Castle or Buckingham Palace is keep an eye on the gold, it’ll be on Air Force One before you can say Goldfinger. Trump loves trophies and briefly we’ll be the jewel in the crown. God Save The King! (Actually there’s an argument that Charles should wear one of his crowns on this occasion, it would give Trump’s rug a run for the money.)