A bomb

The key word at the Labour Party conference seems to be ‘patriotic’ and its variants. I saw a clip of nursery matron Yvette Cooper telling conference how Reform are ‘plastic patriots’ in an impassioned speech in which her eyes darted wildly from one side of the podium to the other, slavishly following her tele-prompts. Labour’s high command has been caught in Fartage’s searchlights and hasn’t the foggiest idea about how to get out of the flak, except to drop leaflets reminding people how it is totally not the Gestapo-like machine Churchill ridiculously suggested Attlee’s government might turn out to be in 1945. For the time being Labour’s allegedly winning strategy is to call Fartage a huckster, which while undoubtedly true kind of undermines a governing party’s authority, least of all one with a massive parliamentary majority. Perhaps if Labour cabinet ministers have to call out the real enemy of their progress they should name it. But since they fear the City they won’t. As regards the overflowing Parliamentary Labour Party, perhaps the phrase ’Never was so little owed to so many’ more appropriate in this age of steeped patriotism. Perhaps one of McSweeney’s ministers could come out with a new patriotic song, on the lines of ‘Fartage! He’s only got one ball . . .’ Well, that’s enough patriotism for now.